The Need For Recognition
As an artist I often struggle with the need for recognition.
The times when I don’t feel the urge to spray my scent all over a shared project and claim glory come and go. It is my current belief that many people who are living as full time artists are those who have experienced great suffering in their lives. I have, at times, hidden my feelings of shame like little piles of dirt brushed aside in a dim room; easily revealed with a simple flick of the lights.
Art is often an expression of the path to healing, or of one’s continued pain. Much of my personal pain stemmed from childhood feelings of inadequacy, abusive punishments for not being “good enough”, abandonment, etc.
The effects of this kind of pain have been a challenge when mixed with presenting ideas, concepts and works of art both visual and physical. The simple desire to be recognized for my contributions and my interpretation of being overlooked can often cause me discomfort and even grief.
Recently, I have been examining this quality in myself in an effort to continue making each moment I am present in this world more peaceful; for myself and for those who interact with me within the context of creative projects and every day life.
Just admitting that these feelings sometimes flood my existence has already enabled me to be more receptive and open to finding solutions. Brushing tinges of resentment into shallow corners of my mind is no longer an option, and I am already relieved. Those little piles of dust and lint mixed with the occasional stray pin can’t jab a sneaky hole in my psyche as often if they are out in the open where I can see them.