The Horrible Talent Show!
Yesterday I cooked a decadently delicious Mexican feast including Swai Taco’s, Carne Asada, Cerano Pepper Corn Cakes, Pumpkin-zuchini stir fry, homemade refried beans, rice and a HUGE pot of Mexi-turkey-vegetable soup.
The Moore-Lucero clan celebrated a day of thanks with our family of 5 and 4 lovely, intelligent and outrageously talented friends. After stuffing ourselves beyond what was prudent, we set up a ramshackle curtain and prepared ourselves for the Horrible Talent Show performances. I decided on this form of entertainment after considering the ridiculous level of talent we had gathered at our home. Aside from our family, which includes two Cirque Du Soleil Special Events Artists, our son Jake, a prodigy juggler, daughter Cali, circus performer / artist, and Bobes, circus performer / character artist, we had in attendance: Isaac ~ World Competitor Cheer Athlete, Jacob ~ Classically Trained Dance Competitor, Devin Mohr ~(most absurdly talented human being I have ever known), artist, creator, musician, dancer, photographer, etc. etc. etc., and Mehmet ~ Brilliant Doctor who has never performed in his life.
Mehmet was designated the Host of the show since he was terrified and we figured he would do a miserably awful job. After dragging him out to the stage he made a lovely introduction while turning 3 shades of red and looking often at the ground. It was Horrible Talent Show GREATNESS!
The first to perform was Jake, who demonstrated how to use household items to kill imaginary zombies. Items included a juggle club, “not to hit them with but to pretend you are playing the trumpet, because everybody knows Zombies can not tolerate trumpet music.” CAPTIVATING!
Isaac took the stage next, with an embarrassing display of juggling 2 clubs and a broom, none of which he had any clue of how to toss or catch. Wonderfully DISAPPOINTING!
Bobes came up next, made an extremely ugly face, laughed at himself and then blew an annoying duck whistle. His act lasted approximately 7 seconds but his bow was TREMENDOUS!
Devin graced us with his interpretation of a Dung Beetle with a bad nose job. It is too awful to describe so I am posting the video below.
Mehmet was then forced to do his act which included trying to balance on one foot with his eyes closed and making a grotesque shape with his tongue. It was a real low-point in the show and we all cheered fervently!
I came next with an extraordinary display of my lack of math comprehension. I wasn’t faking any of my inabilities and it truly brought the level of respect from my friends and family crashing down. What a PROUD moment for me!
Cali and her giant dead beetle followed. Cali described how to play many fun games with a dead beetle if you don’t have any real friends. The beetle stood ready to jump as Cali whipped a big jump rope around it. The Beetle and Cali worked with a hammer and propane tank and did a myriad of other activities. The act was horrendously long and awful. FABULOUS!
Classically trained dancer, Jacob was the next act, and he did sickening stretches with his feet sickled and pounding on his turned in toes. His finale frightened us all, as he jumped in the air and splatted flat on his back. We were truly disgusted by his performance and worried that he was injured. It was INCREDIBLE!
Noah closed the show with an original art piece. Fully blindfolded he drew a portrait of Devin sitting on the rolling globe. Using a box of crayons he sketched what looked somewhat like Kermit the Frog after a dismembering, machinery accident. The highlight was the shading on the globe which ended up looking like a stream of urine running down Devin’s leg.
At last, Mehmet closed the show as host. He realized, by this time, he was improving and enjoying the gig. He was long winded, and we nearly had to drag him off of the stage!
It was the best possible way to spend the day and I am filled with gratitude and love now, and always.
Horrible Talent Show ~ Long Division Act performed by Annetta Lucero
Horrible Talent Show ~ Dung Beetle with Bad Nose Job performed by Devin Mohr