Lucero Speaks

My Approach to Parenting Individuals

// Author: Annetta Lucero // 1 Comment


If you have followed any part of my personal journey you may know I have really, really, REALLY interesting kids.  I haven’t tried to make them interesting, in fact, I haven’t tried to make them anything other than who they already are.  None of my children have been very interested in baton twirling.
Cali had a fleeting moment of wanting to twirl in her elementary school talent show several years ago, but as soon as Granny stepped in as drill sergeant, she lost interest…  no, she was profoundly miserable and will most likely never touch a baton again in her lifetime.  It just wasn’t her thing, so when importance was placed on it, and demands of repetitive rehearsal, right and wrong, technique, and expectations of daily improvement, it came to an end.  I had no opinion about whether or not she continued.  If she wanted to do it, I would have supported her, when she was visibly distraught I ended it and watched her happily run outside to collect bugs.

I think it has been easier for me to not be attached to the choices my children are making with their lives because I fully experienced the exact opposite in my childhood.  I remember my own powerless feelings of having few choices, and so, I have no desire to push for things from their lives that appeal to my own ego no matter how important those things may seem.  Grades?  I really don’t have an opinion.  Fulfilling responsibilities, being respectful of all life, seeking happiness, demonstrating love and compassion…. now you’re talking my language.  I try to teach my kids these aspects of life and surprisingly, things like good grades come with the package.  (Also, Noah does care about grades and helps with all of the kids academics).

My approach to parenting is fairly simple and it keeps me from being upset nearly all of the time.  I am rarely angry with my kid’s behavior.  I don’t react to superficial circumstances at all.  I don’t.
Noah and I also speak very blunt, and humorously about real life issues including subjects that are typically embarrassing to many folks.  The kids ask very frank questions and we give very frank answers, which usually leads to laughter at the dinner table.

I like to observe my children.  I watch them to identify the things they have natural inclinations towards.  I look for the things in life that make them smile or capture their full attention, then I pursue all avenues that can bring more of that into their world.  It doesn’t matter if I like it or not.  I’m really not in to pickled baby birds, but my daughter has an impressive collection that is enhanced every nesting season.

I have no idea what profession each of my children will find interest in, which ones, if any, will choose higher education, a family, etc.  It really doesn’t matter, anyhow.  I have no need to attend Jacob’s college graduation, introduce Cali as Doctor Valentine, or to insist on a house full of grandchildren.  Their lives are not my life.  I love them unconditionally and I fully realize that they have been given to me, but they do not belong to me.



1 comment

  1. Guido van Gent - April 9, 2014 8:41 am

    I am not saying i don’t love my mother, because she was she best and i loved her dearly in her life on earth and i will keep loving her infinite in the afterlife, but i wish i had the oppurtunities that you provide your kids right now!

    I feel so secure and connected with the way you approach life. Although never expirienced it like that myself, i know and feel that this is one of the best ways to do it! Many people might have different believes and or strategies and that is all fine and i totally respect all the decisions people choose to take.

    My mother loved me with all her heart, but with a lot of struggles with my father and sickness, she made a wrong decision and that is to solve her problems with alcohol. I have forgiven her numerous of times and understand her choice, But she never forgave herself and had a miserable last decade of a life and died eventually of cancer. I feel so sorry for her.

    I don’t have contact with my abusive neglecting pedophile father and i miss my mom. I feel happy and blessed with Kristel in my life, but it is still a scary feeling to be pretty much alone and not having someone to fall back to anymore. Kristel keeps me positive and i return the favour. We have some great friends too luckily!

    And luckily the laughter, joy and happiness is most of what we expirience in life! But reading this blog makes me wonder a bit what would have happened if i were raised with these believes. Would i have made me stronger and more determined to choose my own way of happiness. Noah and you also provide a safe haven where they are raised and that brings that secure feeling that i kinda miss right now.

    I am property of the bank. They own me big time haha. After being stuck in a relationship for almost 6 years without any social progress or any progress at all in life i had enough of it and decided to move on. I lived with that girl and her mother, so i had nothing and plunged myself into deep deep debts at the bank so i could buy a house, the interiour and everything! I am happy that i did it, because it’s been a year now and i made so much progress in life since then. But the feeling i can’t change it anymore because of obligations and financial dependence i feel i am a bit stuck at the moment. But i should not complain as i have a pretty okay salary and although sometimes stressfull, i earn just enough to cope with the bills and loans and everything. Well, that was before i went to that damn dentist. But i will crawl out of that hole again sometime haha.

    Im sorry! I got a bit carried away with the feelings that bothered me while reading your awesome blog! All these feelings and not the choice of being independent, but the force to be it, made me wish a had a childhood like you are providing your kids! I am very sure they love their great mom and that is coming from a kids view alone! As they will grow a little older and getting more mature and realise what your approach did for them i am sure they will be very very grateful.