Embracing the Monsters
When I was really little my bio dad would run after me pretending to be an insane gorilla-monster.
It was, at first fun, yet quickly progressed to alarming and ultimately terrifying. At the peak of fear I would always react in the same way. Rather than run faster or seek a hiding place, (thus prolonging my own insecurity and fear), I would STOP, boldly turn around, exclaim, “Dad!”, and run right at him.
Embracing him, whether or not he had changed from the character, put the power back in my realm and instantly altered the reality of my fear.
I thought about this last night after I caved in to the alarm and fear I allowed to build in my own mind.
In the midst of my self-induced panic I STOPPED. I named my fear and then ran directly towards it. I wrote of my frustrations and asked for help.
Embracing the monster rather than trying to run or hide from it is the quickest path I know to regaining my own power.
I am not going to continue telling and rehashing the story of my fear. I deleted my panic-driven post and desire to speak as the person I choose to become.
While I am not sure WHAT solutions will appear to remedy the current challenge, I know that the solutions WILL appear and they will present themselves at exactly the moment they should.
I CAN BE fearless in all situations and circumstances.
I will always embrace the monsters.