Lucero Speaks

Dear Angry Friend

// Author: Annetta Lucero // 4 Comments


I receive many notes, posts and messages from a variety of folks from all over the world.  It is a blessing that many of these correspondence are encouraging and supportive.  Some of the messages are from those in difficult situations, pain, grief, confusion and seeking my viewpoint.  I also receive letters of hate.  I have as much compassion for the people who write these letters as I do for all of those who write kind things or who need reassurance or guidance.  Below is my response to a very hateful note I received several years ago.  Many circumstances in my life have shifted since writing this reply.  I am very glad I responded in the way that I did, I can see, in retrospect, that responding through compassion has enabled my life to continue developing in a positive direction.  When adversely confronted by individuals I have made it a practice to keep my friends close, my perceived enemies closer, and to persuade all who will listen to work towards improving the circumstances in the world around them.

Dear Angry Friend,

I send to you the hope for joy and peace in your tumultuous life.
Perhaps it will calm you to know a few things about myself and my circumstances.
You mentioned that I am a “selfish, Neanderthal, (I have corrected your spelling), famous, rich, diva, bitch with no regard for others and a lust for all things deprived,” (I will assume you meant depraved.)

1.  Human nature can tend to lean toward the selfish side and I am no exception.  I am making an effort moment by moment to modify myself and it is a passion of mine to reach out to others in an effort to help improve the world around me peacefully through art and words.
2.  Neanderthal man has been extinct for between 120,000-35,000 years.
3.  Although I am fairly well known in the highly misunderstood sport of competitive baton twirling, I do not consider myself famous.  I am one of thousands of soldier athletes trying to make an impact and bring recognition to many well deserving people who have sacrificed much for our sport.
4.  Perhaps you will sleep better at night knowing that I am not even remotely rich.  Since my escape from my abusive ex husband two years ago I have been supporting my family of 7 entirely by myself through sport and art.  My ex has not paid one penny of child support and has found every loop hole in the system which enables him to never pay.  He also intentionally left me with all of his debt.  At times, finances have been so scarce I qualified for food stamps.  Because my oldest child is currently in his late stages of terminal illness I have recently cancelled my January tour and will not have income this month.
5.  Diva.  Hahahahahahaha!  I’m sorry.  Hahahahahahaha!  I am currently covered in grout because I am tiling my own bathroom.  I really can’t even approach this one because it is too far off.
6.  I appreciate and love humanity.  I hope that I can contribute to the betterment of the world around me by sharing my stories and living a life filled with kindness and service to others.  I am so grateful for my hard earned talent and aspire to reach many who feel they are less than valuable . . . because I lived for a long time with that very feeling.
7.  Lust . . . uuummmmm . . . guilty.  But not for ALL things depraved;  just a few of them.

I don’t expect everybody to like or understand me.  Yes, I say off color things.  I have always marched to the beat of my own drum line.  But I do wish you all the best.  From the depths of my heart I will send you positive thoughts so that you may pursue happiness and make choices that alter your path and bring you fulfillment, peace and the desire to create beauty around you.

With Sincerity and Aloha,


  1. Valdeane Odachi - February 12, 2014 12:13 am

    Oh gosh, I LOVED this one… you should have posted the original note… That REALLY gives your response appropriate context…
    Sometimes when we are wallowing in our own self-loathing, it’s so much easier to bash on someone else in a feeble attempt to feel better about ourselves. And luckily, you weren’t going to respond in the same manner the original letter was written.

    I vaguely recall that they wrote you a response and it was quite positive??? You seemed to breathe life and love into a soul that too easily traveled down a dark path…. Refresh my memory… Cause I thought the entire exchange was a wonderful transmutation of negative to positive energy!

  2. Guido van Gent - February 12, 2014 7:14 am

    Nice response! I would not spend a single bit of my energy towards a person with a rude letter like this with a total lack of self-reflection. It would feel completely useless to me, because these type of people will always be listening to their own opinion and don’t care at all what the opinion of others is. I truely hope your response would change the opinion of the writer a little bit, but my expirience is that it is not going to change.

    Therefor i can put opinions like this next to me and move forward. I lost a lot of energy in the past with a difficult childhood and many depressions and it took me a lot of energy to come out of those dark places with the help of friends. But never in those dark days i have had some kind of hatred or envy towards others. I think this behaviour is almost impossible to change in others.

    I do hope i am wrong and that people like you can bring change to these people! But i reserve my rebuild positive energy for the beautiful people that deserve it most and will be grateful about it.

    You say that human nature can tend to lean toward the selfish side. I see a lot of people in the black or white area. Sadly these days are many people in the black area and are always very selfish and only do what is best for themselves. Sometimes helping others, but only if it benefits themselves even more. To me these are the people i don’t spend my energy on. The white area is with a lot of people who have some sort of story that made them insecure about life, insecure about themselves and instead of working on that, they will do everything to help others in order to recieve their gratitude and feel better about themselves. Sadly the black side knows about these people and they will use this energy to fix their problems and after that drop contact and move on without showing gratitude leaving the white side even more devistated.

    My energy goes towards people who wander in this white side. I learned that it is not selfish to think about yourself in the first place. If you are healthy and happy in life, you will have so much more energy to help others reach that same level of energy and happiness in life. I learn those insecure people that they don’t recieve happiness and love in life if they don’t love themselves in the first place. If that realisation kicks in you can see so much positive change in these peoples lives.

    I might not have reached that level of energy you have Annetta, that allows you to give positive energy to these black persons letters. I will spend all my spare energy in to people that truely apreciate it and where i can really change a persons look on life and help them help themselves in finding a better life.

    Maybe someday i will reach that level of energy you have Annetta! I certainly learn a lot from your blogs and i implement them in my own lifestyle and i reflect it on my own way of thinking and see if there are ways to improve myself with the golden information you are giving us.

    So once again.Thank you!

  3. Annetta Lucero - February 12, 2014 8:43 am

    Val, I was unable to locate the original letter as it has evaporated with time, as everything in this temporary world does. The writer did contact me nearly a month after my response and did regret having sent it to me. She said she had a drinking problem and she asked for my advice on how she might be able to get in control of her weight and depression. I corresponded with her for some time after that.

    Guido, formerly I viewed nearly everything in black and white scenarios, but as I have learned to be open and receptive to all things, other beautiful colors have revealed themselves. I have relinquished my desire to judge myself, others, and situations that occur, and in doing so my energy is never wasted. I am experiencing much peace in my life even in challenging moments. The practice of accepting all good things, opportunities, experiences, ideas, concepts and people in to my daily happenings has been a worthwhile pursuit indeed. Viewing every interaction as something “good” has shifted the pre-judgement I once carried and allowed me to appreciate every moment with an open heart and mind.

  4. Guido van Gent - February 12, 2014 9:19 am

    I am open for this view on life! It will probably take some time for me to learn to get to that point where you are now. The last year was really good and positive for me and i gained a lot more energy then ever before. Lots of my changes come in babysteps.

    Since i am together with Kristel, we give eachother a whole lot of positive energy which will help do develop ourselves beyond what we thought was capable for us to reach.

    With her positive energy feeding mine and the other way around and learning from your awesome advices i think we can get very far in life.