Death of a Child Grief/Loss

What I learned from my son’s last breath

// Author: Annetta Lucero // 1 Comment

My son Jaidon lived a short and powerful life.
He was 16 years old when he took his last breath.
He was my teacher while he was alive.
There was one brief moment that affected me more than any other…
This is what I learned from Jaidon’s last breath:
If I am still breathing, I have to try.
I must live fully.
I must laugh.
I must see things lively.
I must notice beauty.
When he took that last breath, time stood still.
Energy shifted.
Love and sorrow mingled as all of the make-believe mind dramas of this manufactured world melted away.
Then, there was no more Jaidon.
“He” was really gone.
 There was no more struggle or trying.
When I am most distressed over life’s scenarios,
When things seem too heavy, overwhelming, impossibly complicated or hopeless;
I think of my son’s last breath.
His life was such a gift.
My life is a gift as well.
I will eventually experience my last breath.
But, until then…
I’ll try.
(Read Jaidon’s Story HereThe only answer that matters)

Pushing Through

// Author: Annetta Lucero // 0 Comments

Cemetery Angel

I was built to push through pain. I pushed through the pain of loneliness, training throughout my childhood to become an athletic machine. I pushed through the pain of the monotony of being an athletic machine and discovered unique artistry. I pushed through the pain of having my artistry ridiculed and stifled, and entirely escaped abuse. When the pain of the loss of my son arrived, I was ready to push through that, but fate intervened. I was physically crushed by a car. As I pushed through the pain of losing the use of my body, I laid still and I marinated in the mystery and glory of  life and death. I found gratitude and compassionate strength. I began pushing with my strength, only to discover that I did not need to push in that way anymore.
I stopped pushing….  and I found peace.
~Lucero

A Bright and Shiny Star

// Author: Annetta Lucero // 0 Comments

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Sophia was a beautiful girl who had grown up in the circus. Sophia wore a shiny costume and had a brilliant smile. Sophia had no act of her own. Instead she ran through the circus ring helping with props and assisting her family with their acts.

All of the circus people loved Sophia and wanted to help her discover her special skill; but Sophia had it in her heart that her skill would discover her. She knew that she would become a bright and shining star.

One day her mother was bringing a beautiful piece of material to her sister. She was going to use it to make a new pair of stilt pants. Just as sister stilt walker was admiring the fine fabric a gust of wind blew hard through the circus tent entrance.
The material floated and billowed right up to the top of the tent where it became snagged on the center spotlight.

The circus performers knew they had to work quickly to remove the lovely fabric.
The audience began to filter in for the next show.

Sister stilt walker couldn’t reach the spotlight. The acrobatic brothers piled on top of one another’s shoulders but they too fell short. The trampoline artist tried his best to jump up and grab it but the snag was too secure. The performers were becoming frustrated
The audience was ready for the show.

It was then that Sopia knew what she would do.
As Sophia walked into the ring she smiled confidently and styled to the audience. Her strong, little hands reached up and she took hold of the fabric.
Everybody could see that she had it in her heart as she began to climb higher and higher.
The audience and the circus people looked on in amazement as she wrapped the material around herself and created sculpturesque poses in mid air.

Just as Sophia held herself up in a beautiful butterfly pose the snag came loose.
Everybody gasped but Sophia didn’t fall. She had it in her heart so strong that she began to fly excitedly around the tent.
She was stunning!
She flew right out of the tent.
All of her family and friends ran after her to see where she was flying. They couldn’t beleive it when they saw how high she was. Sister stilt walker called out to see where she was going.

As they watched her ascend up, up, up… they heard her say, “I’m going to be a bright and shiny star! Be Happy. You have me in your hearts.”

For Sophia, Our star always.
~Love, Ned

Sophia Isadora (12/20/89 – 9/3/2004)

(Written by Annetta Lucero as told to her by Sophia Isadora in a dream.)

I Am Grateful

// Author: Annetta Lucero // 3 Comments

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I once overheard somebody say, “this is the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make in my life”.
It was regarding the color of a hair dye. (more…)

The Unpredictability of Grief

// Author: Annetta Lucero // 5 Comments

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Noah called on his way home from picking up the kids from school, and asked me to prepare a snack for everyone.  As I began the task I felt a flood of emotion swell up in me.  I had an overwhelming need to prepare Jaidon’s meal, and it felt like I couldn’t stop myself as I reached in the cupboard for his oatmeal.  As I stood there I felt an indescribable, black hole of sadness.  Tears instantly flooded my eyes, covered my face and I began to sob uncontrollably.  I was surprised by this episode and by the depth of my pain.  For two and half years I have been handling my son’s death with strength, dignity, compassion and very little drama.  I have kept it together presenting keynote speeches while sharing Jaidon’s story with countless people… (more…)

Base of Strength

// Author: Annetta Lucero // 1 Comment

Plank w/ Cheryl

The phone call came late in the evening. It was hard to decipher the message being delivered through the sobs. “Annetta, you need to get to the Children’s Hospital as soon as possible. Sophia has been terribly hurt in a car accident. Cheryl is here.”

My stomach sank; I inherently knew this was the beginning of a painful journey. I needed to be with my base. . . (more…)

The Love That Lives

// Author: Annetta Lucero // 0 Comments

Jaidon, death has not diminished your beauty, it has only expanded all that you are, for you were never of this world. You have and always will be perfect… you are the LOVE that lives in me!

Jaidon Alvarez Fetters Oct. 2, 1994 – March 29, 2011

The Only Answer That Matters

// Author: Annetta Lucero // 15 Comments

Jaidon

 

October 2, 1994 was the day I unknowingly enrolled in the most advanced and rigorous educational experience that exists on this planet.   My major was selected by fate, for I never would have intentionally pursued a life degree in:  Parenting A Disabled and Terminally ill Child. (more…)