I am wedged diagonally across the drivers seat of my car. My left wrist is squirting a small fountain of blood. My tongue is lacerated in several places, my knees are swollen and stuck between the steering wheel and dash and I cannot breathe.
Through my window I see a teenage girl get out of the car that just turned in front of me. She looks scared but fine. She walks to the other side of her car and is speaking to someone inside. I am still not breathing. She goes to speak with some people gathering on the side of the highway. After some time they glance at my car but nobody comes over. I wonder why they don’t come. It would be good if they could open my door for me. I am very hot and I am not breathing.
I think of my children. I want to breathe so they do not have to endure this loss. I think of my mom. I want to breathe so she doesn’t lose her daughter and grandson within a months time. I think of Noah . . . I want to breathe.
I realize I may not breathe. I smirk. I remember I have held my breath for 3 and half minutes just for fun. I’ve got another minute or so. I’ll figure it out.
The girl is now on her cell phone. She guiltily glances at my car as she speaks.
I give all of my energy to changing my position. With my squirting arm, I push myself up a bit and find a miracle. I suck in one tiny breath. I focus. If I can do that again I can spend more time with my family.
I do it.
Searing, throbbing, stabbing pain takes over my chest, back and neck. I am now sitting alone in my car smiling. I am giddy with hope.
I have the most powerful revelation of my life.
I am absolutely not what I do. I have just been given the greatest gift; the knowledge that this vessel and this vessel’s accomplishments do not define me. I can’t wait to discover what life opportunities are waiting for me.
Minutes pass, the girl is hesitantly walking toward my car. She stops 5 feet away and weakly asks, are you OK?
I don’t have enough breath to answer but I smile broadly…
I am better than ever!
(Annetta Lucero is at home in Puna, recovering from the described collision at the intersection of Highway 130 and Kahakai Boulevard. She has a broken sternum, damaged ribs, a collapsed lung, shattered knee caps and other injuries.)
Sophia was a beautiful girl who had grown up in the circus. Sophia wore a shiny costume and had a brilliant smile. Sophia had no act of her own. Instead she ran through the circus ring helping with props and assisting her family with their acts.
All of the circus people loved Sophia and wanted to help her discover her special skill; but Sophia had it in her heart that her skill would discover her. She knew that she would become a bright and shining star.
One day her mother was bringing a beautiful piece of material to her sister. She was going to use it to make a new pair of stilt pants. Just as sister stilt walker was admiring the fine fabric a gust of wind blew hard through the circus tent entrance.
The material floated and billowed right up to the top of the tent where it became snagged on the center spotlight.
The circus performers knew they had to work quickly to remove the lovely fabric.
The audience began to filter in for the next show.
Sister stilt walker couldn’t reach the spotlight. The acrobatic brothers piled on top of one another’s shoulders but they too fell short. The trampoline artist tried his best to jump up and grab it but the snag was too secure. The performers were becoming frustrated
The audience was ready for the show.
It was then that Sopia knew what she would do.
As Sophia walked into the ring she smiled confidently and styled to the audience. Her strong, little hands reached up and she took hold of the fabric.
Everybody could see that she had it in her heart as she began to climb higher and higher.
The audience and the circus people looked on in amazement as she wrapped the material around herself and created sculpturesque poses in mid air.
Just as Sophia held herself up in a beautiful butterfly pose the snag came loose.
Everybody gasped but Sophia didn’t fall. She had it in her heart so strong that she began to fly excitedly around the tent.
She was stunning!
She flew right out of the tent.
All of her family and friends ran after her to see where she was flying. They couldn’t beleive it when they saw how high she was. Sister stilt walker called out to see where she was going.
As they watched her ascend up, up, up… they heard her say, “I’m going to be a bright and shiny star! Be Happy. You have me in your hearts.”
For Sophia, Our star always.
Sophia Isadora (12/20/89 – 9/3/2004)
(Written by Annetta Lucero as told to her by Sophia Isadora in a dream.)
I am willing to follow my passions completely.
I am able to change and shift and morph and not be stuck in my own hamster wheel of intractable beliefs.
I am not afraid of revision.
I do not fear the judgement of others.
I choose to take risks and I welcome my mistakes as life’s greatest instructors.
I courageously step away from the security of the uncomfortably workable in order to experience the rapture of my highest truth.
I am radically present in my own life.
If you have followed any part of my personal journey you may know I have really, really, REALLY interesting kids. I haven’t tried to make them interesting, in fact, I haven’t tried to make them anything other than who they already are. None of my children have been very interested in baton twirling. (more…)
A sullen child sits on the curb in front of a modest track house. The child’s physical appearance is that of an unkept 9 year old boy. The child is clutching a small suitcase and has desperate eyes. The child’s heart is beating very fast. (more…)
It was unusual and difficult for me to define the problem for many years. My situation was based on psychological, emotional abuse. The slowly evolving elimination of all that identified me as me. Constant, repetitive disdain that grew in to veiled threats. First the arts, then the friends, then the family. All eliminated. Then the training of my children to abhor my beliefs and disrespect my opinions. (more…)
Life as an entertainer has made it necessary to learn many skills beyond what is demonstrated in the plethora of choreographed presentations of physical ambitions. In dealing with agents, event coordinators and demanding clients I have learned to be a great diplomat. (more…)
Walking through the grocery store, a beautiful young man tapped my arm and enthusiastically squealed, “HELLO!”
After giving him a big hug, I asked, “How do I know you sweetie?”
He responded, “YOU DON’T! You just look so happy and kind, I thought I would greet you.”
I was thrilled, so I exclaimed, “Let’s be friends!”
We immediately grabbed hands and spun around in the aisle, laughing until we were dizzy.
That’s how I roll.
I receive many notes, posts and messages from a variety of folks from all over the world. It is a blessing that many of these correspondence are encouraging and supportive. Some of the messages are from those in difficult situations, pain, grief, confusion and seeking my viewpoint. I also receive letters of hate. (more…)