July 2017

Unhinged

// Author: Annetta Lucero // 1 Comment

Moss

Have you ever felt so deeply trapped in your own life story that the potential for a new chapter seemed hopeless?

I have.

One of the heaviest challenges of my life found me only a few weeks after my book, “The Tao of Winning”, was released.
This challenge tested everything I had written about. It tested how I viewed my experiences, my life philosophy, my wavering confidence, security, responsibility… it tested my peace.

I have never failed a test with more gusto.

For a month and a half I found myself sinking deeper into a story that did not need to belong to me.  The more I attached myself to the circumstances and the actions of others the more vividly my frustrations manifested.  Frustration turned to anger, anger transformed into rage, this fury produced vengeful thoughts that made me feel internally occupied and constantly nauseated.

I became unhinged.

It felt as if the story owned my entire Being.

After leaving the scene of the story I traveled to Norway. The happiness I felt to be with my Beloved, was marred as I kept my rage alive. I had lost sight of my own wholeness. I was living as a fragment of myself, the love in me consumed by an unseen force, regurgitated out as hate, disguised as justice.

Perplexed as to how to find my way back, I questioned, how can I escape this decline in to ever more hate and pain?

My Love had the answer.

Stop telling the story.
Stop telling it to yourself, stop telling it to others. Stop posting about it. Stop writing emails about it.
If you need to speak about it, just tell me during a set time each day, but otherwise, step away from repeating this thing, and the pain will subside.

It’s been a few days since I listened to and adopted this advice.

I have stopped telling the story. I stopped completely.
Last night I did not have nightmares. This morning the anger was not present. Feelings of needing revenge have subsided.

For the first time in nearly two months I feel a light inside of myself. Although it is dim, it is enough to illuminate a blank page;

it is enough to begin the next chapter…

 

Order The Tao of Winning here.